All My Christmases (Holiday Belles) Page 3

  You can fall apart again after the wedding.

  "Time to face the music," I mumble to myself before pulling on my clothes and throwing the bathroom door open.

  Thankfully, Lincoln is sitting on the couch waiting when I come out. He jumps to his feet, eager to be out the door as soon as possible.

  "I grabbed your suitcase and put it in the car."

  "Great," I bite out, needing to keep it to one-word answers.

  There's no guarantee I'll be able to have a civil conversation with him once we start talking. Not yet, anyway.

  Maybe after a year or twenty, I can be in the same room with him and not want to claw his eyes out. However, right now I need to focus on making it through the wedding.

  "I figure we can stop for coffee on the way." Lincoln grabs my coat off the hook near the door and holds it out for me, waiting for me to slip my arms in.

  Not going to be that easy, mister.

  I snatch my coat from his hands, grab my purse from the table beside the door, and open the front door. "No need. I don't want to keep Julia waiting any longer."

  "Right." He flashes me a tight smile before walking out the door and pulling it shut behind us.

  I take a second to ensure that it's locked before following him down the stairs and out to the car.

  The entire area in front of my apartment building is covered with snow, but the walkway leading to the street is cleared. Mr. Hopkins is good about keeping the walkway salted and clear. I'm surprised he isn't out here shoveling already.

  As if he can read my mind, I catch sight of him shoveling the sidewalk in front of the building.

  "You two headed out?" he questions, wiping his sleeve across his forehead.

  "Yes. My best friend is getting married today and I'm the maid of honor. She would kill me if I missed it," I respond, plastering a fake smile on my face.

  "We got about half a foot last night, with more on the way. The main roads seem to be clear, but be careful."

  "We will." I wave over my shoulder.

  Lincoln pulls the passenger side door open, and I climb in. Not wanting to fake my way through the conversation, I open my bag and start searching for my earbuds as he gets into the car.

  "Where did I put them?" I mumble to myself as I pull items out and place them on the center console: wallet, sunglasses, hand sanitizer…but no earbuds.

  Of course, today would be the day that I left them in the house. The one time I need the distraction.

  "If you regret what happened last night, you could say something."

  My hand freezes and my eyes widen, all my attention focused on Lincoln.

  "Regret? You think I regret what happened last night?" I pinch the bridge of my nose and start counting backward from ten.

  "It’s obvious with the way you've been acting since we left the apartment." He doesn't take his eyes off the road as he pulls onto the highway.

  "I'm going to ignore that statement and classify it under a moment of temporary insanity."

  "Noelle."

  The condescending tone in his voice only confirms what I've been thinking since I stepped out of the shower: Lincoln Kane is an asshole.

  "Shut the fuck up, Lincoln!" I screech, turning my entire body toward him. "Newsflash: you kissed me last night, not the other way around! You promised me forever before we slept together. Did you mean one fucking word you said?"

  Silence. He grips the steering wheel tighter, unspeaking, looking everywhere but at me. Part of that could be because of the road conditions, but something tells me it's something else entirely.

  "That's what I thought." Tears well in my eyes for the second time today, but I refuse to let them fall. "We’re both adults. If all you wanted was a quick fuck, then you could have said that."

  "Is that the type of man you think I am?" he snaps, pulling off to the side of the road. "You know me better than that, Noelle."

  "I thought I did, but now I don't know. The Lincoln Kane I fell in love with would never have made me feel like a cheap whore." I stare into his bright blue eyes as the sunlight sparkles off the snow outside the window.

  Fuck. Perfect timing, Noelle.

  "You love me?"

  "That's the only thing you got out of the conversation?" My hands clutch my bag tightly as I fight to maintain my control. "That's all you have to say?"

  "It's an important piece of information to know," he bites back reflexively before realizing what he said. "I'm sorry."

  He reaches toward me, brushing his fingers across the back of my hand, but I flinch away from him.

  "So, knowing that I've loved you since I knew what love was would make a difference?"

  Tears stream down my cheeks as I continue rambling. I promised myself I wouldn't let him know how much he broke me, but why does it matter?

  "Would you have treated me differently if you knew I measured every man I tried to date to you before resigning myself to being alone for the rest of my life? All because, for some asinine reason, I thought you were too good for me."

  "Noelle." His voice cracks slightly. "I never meant to make you feel that way."

  "Well, you did."

  He flinches at my words, which agitates me further, making me clench my fists.

  “I hope you enjoyed your time in my bed, Lincoln.”

  “I did,” he says through clenched teeth. “But you don’t understand.”

  “You know what, Lincoln? Save it. There's nothing you can say that will make me believe you wanted anything from me but sex. I'm just sorry I fell for it."

  I swipe at the tears streaming down my cheeks, finally glimpsing my earbuds in my bag.

  I pull them out, shove them in my ears, and turn my music up as loud as possible, drowning out the world, Lincoln, and the sound of my heart breaking for the second time today.

  5

  LINCOLN

  “We're…”

  I don't even finish my sentence before Noelle is climbing out of the car and slamming the door behind her.

  That was one of the worst car rides I've ever taken in my life. Not that I didn't deserve it.

  I take a deep breath, leaning my head back on the car seat. Every accusation Noelle threw at me when we left her apartment runs through my mind.

  Yes, it's only been a few hours, but any moment spent away from her is too much to bear. I should have said something, letting her know how much I crave her. How much I need her like my next breath. How much I love her with all my heart. But instead of saying all those things, I let her believe the night we spent together meant nothing to me.

  Ever since I had her in my arms, my lips pressed against hers, I've known she was mine. I've always felt this pull toward her. It's one reason I've kept my distance for so long. I knew once I had her, I'd be addicted, needing her every waking moment of every day. But for some reason, I thought it was a good idea to make her feel like a whore and let her think I wanted nothing other than to get my dick wet and forget anything ever happened.

  What the fuck is wrong with me? I'd normally be groveling at her feet, begging for her to give me another chance, but I know we won't work. Can't work. Noelle lives in Owensboro, and I live in Chicago. I can't leave Chicago, and there's no way I can ask her to give up her teaching position and take a chance on me. Especially after the way I put my foot in it this morning.

  Not to mention, she’s half my age and my sister's best friend. She has her whole life ahead of her. It's selfish of me to want to be with her. She deserves better. She says she loves me now, but she has barely lived.

  You're full of shit, and we both know it.

  "I’m quite aware of that," I answer myself.

  We need to get through today and then things can go back to normal…or as normal as they can be when all I can think about is the feeling of her skin against mine and the taste of her lips. Every inch of my body yearns for her, wanting to keep her chained to my bed. I don't want one night; I want forever, but that won't happen. So, I’ll stay away from her until the
wedding is over and then make up some excuse for why I need to head back to Chicago on Christmas day.

  That shouldn't be too hard…

  "Lincoln James Kane, what did you do?!"

  I jump in my seat as my mother shouts through my window.

  "Love you too, Mom,” I grumble as I open the door and climb out.

  There's a fire in her eyes as she looks me up and down, her arms crossed over her chest.

  "Is Julia throwing another fit?" I ask.

  "This has nothing to do with your sister, and you know it."

  She steps out of my way as I pop the trunk, grabbing Noelle and I’s bags out of the trunk.

  Fuck. I should have known my mom would know something was up the moment Noelle walked into the house. My mom has known her for most of her life and sees her as another daughter. There's no way Noelle could have snuck past her without telling her something about what happened on the ride down.

  "What did you do to Noelle?" my mom prods, following me into the house.

  They decorated the foyer with white Christmas lights trailing down the banister, along with fresh garlands, and they covered every flat surface with stunning flower arrangements of anemones, roses, and other flowers I can't name. The entire room smells like Christmas.

  “Everything looks gorgeous. You and Julia outdid yourselves. The house has never looked better,” I say, hoping to get her focus back on the wedding instead of what’s happening between me and Noelle.

  "Thank you, but stop trying to change the subject. What happened between you two?"

  I refuse to lie to my mother, but coming out and telling her I almost missed my sister's wedding because I was fucking her best friend isn't an option.

  "Noelle and I had an argument. Nothing too serious. I'm giving her some time to cool off before I try to talk to her."

  "Bullshit, Lincoln."

  I spin around on my heels and my eyes widen in surprise. I've heard my mother curse three times in my life, all of which were directed at my dad. She refuses to curse and even hates when my sister and I do so. The fact she let one slip out makes me believe she means business.

  "It doesn't matter what happened, Mom. It won't happen again. It can't," I respond, dropping our bags on the floor and sinking onto the bench just inside.

  I hate that I have to do this to her, let alone myself, but it's better this way.

  Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I believe it.

  If we give in to this connection between us, it will only explode in our faces. Whether it’s our age difference, my sister, or the distance between us, something will tear us apart.

  Isn't that how it always happens? There's love, but something always breaks the couple apart. Trying to stay away from her is going to be pure torture, but it's for the best. She may feel as if I broke her heart, but with time, she’ll understand that I did this to protect her. To protect both of us from a lifetime of pain.

  "Did you finally tell her how you feel?" My mom takes a seat beside me on the bench, wrapping her hand around mine.

  My head whips in her direction. "You knew?"

  "I'm your mother, Lincoln. We know almost everything there is to know about our children, especially when they fall in love."

  I shake my head, chuckling softly before giving her hand a squeeze. "I won't say I told her, but she has a pretty good idea."

  "Tell her."

  "Didn't you hear what I said?"

  "Oh, I heard you. But as soon as Noelle laid eyes on your sister, she burst into tears."

  Pure agony lances through my chest as I'm reminded of the pain in her eyes when she poured her heart out to me in the car. I was so focused on the fact she said she loved me that I didn't pay attention to anything else she was saying.

  "She'll be fine," I reassure myself. "It's for the best."

  "Best for who? You or her?"

  I pause, not knowing how to respond. I've been down this road before, trusting my heart to someone. My feelings for Meghan paled in comparison to how I feel about Noelle. If things didn't work out between us, I would lose a lot more than my pride. Noelle is the other half of my soul, and I'm one lucky bastard that she loves me in return.

  "I fu…messed up, Mom. I don't know what to do to make it better."

  "Are you going to let her fall in love with someone else?"

  A mischievous smile crosses her face as I open my mouth to respond, but she holds her hand up.

  "You need to explain to her that you're an idiot for breaking her heart and you’ll do anything to make it up to her."

  "And how do I do that?"

  "Grovel."

  "And if that doesn't work?"

  "You try again and again until she’s ready to listen. Love isn't easy. If it was, there'd be no such thing as divorce." She squeezes my shoulder before standing. "You need to let her in. If she breaks you, then she breaks you, but then you won't spend the rest of your life wondering about what could have been.”

  "Excuse me, Mrs. Kane." Noelle's eyes widen as she sees me over my mom's shoulder. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

  “How many times have I told you to call me Gloria?” My mom gives her a soft smile.

  “Sorry. It’ll take me a little while to get used to using your first name.”

  "Please wait." I reach out and grab her arm, halting her movements. "Will you give me a chance to explain?"

  The coldness in her eyes seeps into my bones

  "Stop. I don't want to hear it. You had your chance." Without acknowledging my words, she turns her attention to my mom. "Julia asked me to come grab you."

  I stand there like an idiot, watching her retreating form as she heads further into the house.

  "You need to show her how you feel, Lincoln. Just saying you’re sorry won't cut it. Not this time." My mom smiles at me before spinning on her heels and heading after Noelle.

  I know words aren't enough, but how the hell else am I going to get her to give me the time of day? Should I have ignored her? Pretended that my entire body wasn't yearning to pull her in my arms and beg for her forgiveness?

  I drop my head into my hands. "How the hell am I supposed to show her how much I love her if she won't even speak to me?”

  I wrack my brain, searching for the perfect way to show her how much I cherish her. How I can't live another moment without her. How she's the air I breathe. But I still come up empty until I remember my secret weapon: Julia.

  My sister may have something to say when she finds out I almost missed her wedding because I was sleeping with her best friend, but she'll get over it. Julia wants both of us to be happy, and if we can be happy together, that's even better.

  With the first glimmers of hope burning in my soul, I push up off the bench, grab our bags off the floor and head up the stairs toward my old room.

  6

  NOELLE

  I walk back into the room, leaving the door open for Gloria to follow behind me.

  "Did you find my mom?"

  I jump at the sound of Julia's voice as she comes out of the bathroom in a white robe with BRIDE scrawled across the back of it. She got me a matching one that says MAID OF HONOR on the back, in a pale purple color to match the wedding décor.

  "She did." Gloria throws her arm over my shoulder, pulling me into her side. "She also found your brother."

  "Yeah, about that…" I trail off, not knowing how to explain to my best friend that I slept with her brother.

  As soon as I walked into the house and saw Julia and their mom, I burst into tears, unable to control the emotions that had been bubbling inside me since I got in the car this morning. Neither one of them asked questions. They just led me toward the guest bedroom on the bottom floor and let me cry.

  I was hoping they would get too wrapped up in wedding preparations and forget all about my bout of tears when I arrived, but I should've known better. There was a look in Gloria's eyes when she left the room. Deep down, I knew she had to know something was up, but I had hoped she would leave it alone, at
least until after the wedding.

  But we all know where hope has gotten me recently.

  "Wait, my brother is the reason you burst into tears as soon as you walked in the door?" Julia tilts her head to the side, examining my features, before a blinding smile crosses her face. "You slept with my brother."

  My eyes widen, not knowing exactly how to answer her question. On one hand, it was inevitable she would find out about Lincoln and me. She is my best friend and his sister. On the other, no matter how much I want to pretend I can hide my feelings away and act like nothing happened, I know that isn't possible.

  She was going to find out eventually. At least this way, I have her mom as a buffer between us.

  "Yep."

  "Wow." She drops on the bed in front of us. "I mean, I've always known you had the hots for each other—"

  "Wait, you knew?!" I screech. "Was I that obvious?"

  I pull from Gloria’s embrace and pull my bottom lip into my mouth.

  "You were. We've all known for years." She pushes up from the bed, stepping in front of me and blocking my movements. "Why do you think my mom and I always pushed you two together?"

  "So, your brother really is a complete asshole," I growl, stepping around her and flopping down on the couch. "When I said I loved him, he acted like he didn't know about my feelings.”

  "You told him you loved him?" Both of them say in unison as they join me on the couch, sandwiching me between them.

  I nod, memories of our conversation filtering through my mind. "He didn't say a thing." Tears well in my eyes. "He made it perfectly clear it was nothing but sex."

  "Did he say that?" Gloria questions, wrapping her hand around mine.

  "I have no idea!" I wail, throwing my hands up in defeat. "One minute, he's professing his undying love for me, and then nothing."

  I swipe at the lone tear trickling down my cheek. I refuse to cry any more over Lincoln Kane. He made himself perfectly clear in the car. This was nothing but sex, no matter how much I want it to be more.

  "Are you sure that's what happened?" Julia prods from beside me, crossing her arms over her chest.